Road Rage!

I was driving on I-5 south to a subbing gig at about 7:00am yesterday when the incident occurred. Now, let me give you a little background on how I drive. I rarely go the limit. Really, who drives 55mph? No one I know. That being said, I’m not a lead foot either. I did get a speeding ticket two months ago for going 39mph in a 25mph zone but the cop was driving towards me when he used his radar and how accurate can that be? Anyway, I often find myself in the fast lane behind someone who shouldn’t be there. This state is notorious for this. Why in God’s name would anyone drive 55mph in the left lane? I just don’t get these people! Completely oblivious.

Back to the incident…I was a little tired and honestly, a little zoned out when I realized that I was going a tad too slow to be in the fast lane. Not 55mph slow mind you—probably 64ish. Just as I was about to put on my right blinker and move over one lane, some piece of crap driving a Jeep Cherokee going about 85mph drove up to about two inches from my rear bumper then suddenly passed me on the right. Here’s the best part: HE FLIPPED ME OFF ON THE WAY BY! I was so livid I almost drove off the road! THE…NERVE! For a second I considered chasing him but what would I do if I actually caught up with him? Run him off the road? Pull out my 9 mill and cap his ass? Hardly. I drive a 1999 Subaru wagon and I don’t own a gun.

I tried to calm down and think about it. Why was I so angry? This jerk was probably having a bad day and pissed at the world for a number of reasons. Lost his job? Tiny genitals? Virgin perhaps? Or maybe he’s just a complete a-hole. Who knows? Initially what made me really heated was that he thought I was one of the slow-driver-in-the-fast-lane-types. Sure, I drive a Subaru wagon--but it’s not a Prius! And if he paused long enough to notice he would have seen my Red Sox license plate holder which means I’m from Boston where people under no circumstances would even think about driving slowly in the fast lane. And c’mon man, this is Oregon for chrissakes! People just don’t do that here. We’re too nice to tail-gate and give each other the finger. Back east people do that on their way to church but not here.

I was also upset with myself because I let this idiot get to me and in a weird way--part of me kind of admired the guy. Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to do what he did? Drive pell-mell down the highway, flipping people off that get in my way. But I don’t because (1) it’s not safe and (2) I have morals.

This incident made me realize though that when we see people doing stupid, selfish stuff like driving aggressively, or cutting in line at the deli counter, or talking on their cell phone at the movies, etc., part of what makes us so angry is that, in a way, we wish we were them.