Drink Recipe

This post is devoted to my friend Leslie. On her birthday, a bunch of us made up cocktail recipes that were supposed to capture her personality--here's my entry.

“Malibu Leslie”

Ingredients:

1 ounce Malibu Rum

1 ounce Mandarin Vodka

½ ounce fresh lime juice

1 ounce pineapple juice

1 ounce orange juice

Directions:

1. Go to liquor store. Search for the rum and vodka. Ask yourself why they can’t be right next to each other or at least in the same isle! I mean they’re both clear right!? Ask clerk for help. Go to pay for booze. Search in bag for wallet and ID. Remember to brag later about getting carded. Keep looking for ID in vain. Apologize to clerk who is now busy trying not to look pissed and wondering why he even carded you in the first place. Remember that you left your ID in your running pants. Explain to clerk your predicament and realize that it doesn’t matter because he has already given up and rung in your order and is now just waiting for you to pay. Be thankful that you didn’t forget your debit card.

2. Go to grocery store. Search for other ingredients. While shopping, wonder why you set out on this mission in the first place. Call Beth on one phone and text No Smell on the other phone simultaneously to ask them if they want to do happy hour somewhere convenient for everybody but HAS to have outdoor seating that preferably is not close to a noisy road and has both shade and sunny areas plus cheap drinks. Try to remember what it is that you’re looking for. Wonder why you’re in the paper products isle. Remember that you need toilet paper. Be sure to get the softest yet most economical brand possible.

3. Once you find the produce isle, ask yourself how many limes you will need to produce a ½ ounce of juice. Forget the real lime and just grab one of those little plastic limes that have the juice already conveniently squeezed inside it. Stop and ponder three things: (1) can you recycle this little fake plastic lime? (2) Does it need to be refrigerated after opening? (3) Why don’t these stupid things come with directions?

4. Spend the next half hour gathering the other two ingredients.

5. Once in checkout line, notice the cute sling backs the woman in front of you is wearing. Wonder where she got them. Consider asking, but then don’t.

6. Head outside and wonder where you parked. Call Pistol Pete and suggest that it might be a perfect evening for a fire out back. Hope that he invites you over for dinner and martinis. After arriving at Pete and Beth’s, hand over ingredients and let the expert take over.

Sit back and enjoy!